The Unknown

This one doesn't have a title yet. It started off being erased, scratched out and even deleted. It's funny how we are built to withhold things until it's perfect.

I have to be honest, I don't know if I learned that one in a book. I have relied so much on my intellect that this one area is asking me to trust a new part of me. A part that exist through the lens of feeling, knowing. Not the know in knowledge but the knowing in oneself that has always been there before I saw the fears of others around me and took them on as my own.

As I write I am stopped by a mom, a wife, a daughter of someone who paused to acknowledge my beauty externally through the jewelry I wore. Then she paused again and looked and said ," you are so beautiful ."

It's that knowing that I am in the right place at the time for the right message to meet me.

That one moment just let me know it's okay to not know. Today in karaoke while being a spectator a couple that I felt drawn to for no reason in my intellect but rather in my knowing I can not explain walked in and the guy signed up to sing a song.

This can't be a coincidence I thought. The guy began singing Ed Shereen song 'Thinking out Loud' that song literally happens to play no matter where I am when I am needing a little hope that I am on the "right" track with love. I have heard this song in places like the nail salon to a guy riding a Harley Davidson playing while riding down Vegas streets. For the past 2 years the song follows me and today it found me in karaoke in Mexico.

A coincidence? Probably not. I am finding when I let go of looking for perfect I find more moments like these. Maybe my soul prefers this path. There is only one way to find out. Perhaps choosing to breathe into this moment of the unknown is more known than I realize. Either way it's less pressure if I must be honest. Besides the old way is getting exhausting.

I had a random thought pop into my head on a long drive. It felt random until it connected back to a trip in 2021. The rabbit trail I thought I was on in my imagination turned out to be confirmation to my exploration of my hair and talks of justice and equality. Could not knowing actually lead me to nah that's a gamble my brain thought.

Only I couldn't help but recall the freedom I gave myself in thought and it chose this one. The one from 2021, one of my most memorable life changing trips ever. The trip to Egypt and learning about Queen Tiye. I won't bore you with what I found out, just know the past 9 months of intensity inside for change and joining organizations and meeting individuals who reminded me I was right where I was supposed to be to get the message all made since.

Maybe there is something to letting our thoughts be free and speak. Maybe they do have a plan and what if they have been waiting for an opportunity to finally not be interrupted whether that be by you or the projections of others.

What do I know? Except somehow I pieced together my love life, confirmed why I am drawn to this new hair look, and intense feeling in changing local and big government all when I let the unknown lead the way.

To be continued...