Let me share with you my experience......
I have walked in this body, this mind for four decades now. Its familiar. Its comfortable,
safe, and predictable at times. Why would anyone want to leave such a reliable thing?
Great question. As I moved through what I call different layers of heaven each started
requiring different , new versions of me. Some parts felt like a dream that I had years
ago.
Other parts.....
Made my heart race! So here I am wherever that is for now.
I felt like something, someone, some thing higher than me or was it the real me pushing
me toward the unfamiliar territory. I spent most of my nights awake, sad and pretending I was happy in one of those heavens. The other days I smiled, gave perfect advise and embraced my purity in I know for sure in a different heaven.
Then one day I got tired of code switching between myself. You know what code
switching is.. its that moment you switch the real you to be accepted in a group, a job,
with someone whose melanin might not be popping. Yeah, the switch!
I pause to give my inner child a hug because her feelings were valid, heard and meant something
I found myself standing at the New Jersey Airport, embarrassed by a guy. It was as if
my other version of myself decided to take over and I heard enough is enough. It was
that day in July I left to follow the truth of me. I learned that my tears and sleepless nights
had messages for me. I learned that I wasnt living up to my own birth right. So that day in
July I decided to get lost in an unfamiliar city in order to gain the purest parts of who I am
destined, and designed to be. Sometimes I miss her because she had little expectations from others.
But this new version is hard to resist, hard to forget, hard to dismiss. My boundaries are tight, my energy is so strong it shifts room at the presence of my feminine energy. I am learning that it is my birth right to laugh, to have love, to speak up at all times and never lower or change my posture for anyone. I no longer shrink my intelligence, my style, my voice for others. I do the most with it all. I pause to give my inner child a hug because her feelings were valid, heard and meant something. I no longer ignore my heart. We have daily talks now and my body it always been like a perfect sculpture designed with full lips, big brown eyes, and dark melanin. I now have open my eyes to the reflection that waited so patiently until I noticed her. Wow! How stunning! I release the words that were thrown at me from someone elses pain. I reclaim my energy back. As a matter of fact, I reclaim my ancestors energy back from injustices, inequity, inequality and the inner pain that ran through our blood line.
I no longer walk with a lowered head and fear to speak up. Just like the song says We
will rise...and I will do it again and again. But sometimes you got to get lost in order to
gain. Gain what you asked. The one lost soul that adds value in such a unique,
crafted way. I, we, us, and everyone else must meet you. Not just any you. The you
that is full of truth, authenticity, joy, love, power. You, yes you.
It's funny how my real purpose in life was to discover me. Once I let go its like the truth
of me showed up ready to live!